Social Dysphoria


Have you ever heard it said that women are “catty”? Catty refers to a woman being deliberately spiteful…usually to one another.
The reason women are perceived in that light is because of the way girls are socialized as they are growing up.

Most girls are taught to defer to men in conflicts, opinions and social situations. They are raised to believe that being assertive or visibly confident is not “lady like” . There is an expectation that they behave in a more demure and passive manner than the average male.

I see this almost every day at my job.
For example…If a male supervisor or manager directs his subordinates in a firm or “no bullshit” manner he is perceived as a good and decisive leader. If a woman displays those same qualities then she is a bitch.

Here’s where it applies to trans people….
I was raised as a boy. Male values and norms were impressed on me. I was taught how to stand up for myself and how to be self reliant. I learned to speak my piece when I had to and the result was that I excelled in my former male roles.

As a cop, I used to go toe to toe (literally) with men who could literally kick my ass. My thought was I’d rather risk getting hurt or killed than to show any weakness or to back down.

I still carry the remnants of those learned attitudes and behaviors with me today, but I’m perceived in a totally different light by those around me.
There is not a week that goes by where I don’t hear, “Toni, you’re something else”, “Toni, you’re too much” or even (rarely) “Toni, I wish I could be more like you” from the women I associate with.

Because of my assertiveness, some women feel that I’m a threat to their social standing and as a result, I fall prey to the “cattiness” I mentioned earlier.

If I was still a sociology student, observing someone else, I would find my situation “interesting”, but as a trans woman trying to live her life it becomes tiresome.
The reason I’m even talking about all this is because transition is so much more complicated than presenting as female physically. I’ve pretty much learned to deal with my physical gender dysphoria but now I’m learning to come to terms with a sort of social dysphoria.

Its all part of that journey we always refer to…the one with all the steep hills and curvy roads we learn to overcome.
Toni Grace🕊

#transgender #misogyny #transition #sociology #mtf

Happy Veterans Day!🇺🇸🥀


I want to say THANK YOU for serving to all my fellow vets who gave their all when they were asked to do so.

During my time in the military, I served onboard a nuclear ballistic missile submarine for my entire enlistment. I completed 8 Strategic Deterrent Patrols of 110 days each at a time when transgender people were not even a consideration in the U.S. military…and it was obviously before my own transition.


But nevertheless, this woman served deep under the North Atlantic and even deeper within her own closet in what was an all male world of the Submarine Force.

When you hear the anti LGBT hate filled rhetoric coming out of the Trump/Pence administration, just remember that thousands of gay and trans women and men have already served honorably. We were there doing our duty for years while elitists, such as the current president and vice president, served only themselves and their political aspirations.

Sadly, we served whle hiding our own gender identities and sexual preferences.

We used to say, “Pride runs deep” in the submarine force…and it really, really does. Pride in being who you are runs even deeper.


Take a moment to remember all our vets but especially those members of our community who continue to fight just to be recognized.
Toni Grace 🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈🕊

#veterans #transgender #lgbtq #Toni-Grace

Holy Google!!!

So I’m always Googling stuff…partially because I’m curious about everything and anything and partially because I’m lazy…gigglez👯🏼‍♀️

So I decided to Google myself today not knowing what I’d find. I actually did an image search for “Toni Grace transgender” … and OMG!
I was blown away! Lets just say that my digital footprint is a size huge!!!! This is page one!

So much for anonymity and a low key coming out to the world! Now if I could only get a royalty check for these I’d be living large!
Toni Grace🏳️‍🌈




I get labeled all the time. It used to bother me when people did that because I always thought it was a simplistic way for people to try to categorize what really is a mosaic of so many different qualities … both good and not so good.

This latest one fits like a glove…it makes me dangerous, unpredictable and yes…

1. eager, headlong, impulsive. Refers to persons who are hasty and precipitate in action, or to actions not preceded by thought. Impetuous suggests eagerness, violence, rashness: impetuous vivacity; impetuous desire; impetuous words….☠
Wear your label with pride!

Toni Grace🐅

Question: Does the status of your sexual partner as transgender or CIS establish whether or not the sex act is straight or gay? Please be honest👧🏼


 I was doing some reading yesterday and I came across a discussion that I found interesting.

The question asked was, “If I’m a genetic man and I have sex with a trans woman would that be considered gay sex?

If I’m a trans female and I have always preferred sex with females (CIS and Trans) am I a lesbian?

I have very firm opinions on the matter but I wanted to get your opinions. There is no “right or wrong” answer just as there is no correct answer to the question of “Do you identify your own gender as male or female.”

I want to open a dialog on this as it speaks volumes on our perception of ourselves, our partners and our perception of the human sexual condition.

Toni Grace🦋