There seems to be a notion among some trans women, who are considering surgery, that once they complete their surgery….”Everything will change and all will be well.”
My GCS surgery was the single best and most monumental effort I’ve made in my own transition. It altered my entire life and it affirmed my gender identity as a woman….BUT the journey doesn’t end there…not by a long shot.
Misgendering – Old ideas die hard. I stopped by my dentist to make a follow up a few days ago and there were two receptionists at the front desk. There was a question about scheduling my appointment and one woman asked the other, “What type of work does HE need done?”
(Keep in mind I live full time as,a woman and I NEVER present as a male.)
My heart sank.
Why did that happen?
🌹My name in their records is Toni Grace and my gender is listed as female.
🥀I looked exactly as I do in my pics.
🌼Nails, makeup, heels…etc….all visual clues as to who I am.
🌻My mannerisms, voice inflection and demeanor are all 100% fem
But yet it happened. They remember the past….and they can’t let it go.
🔴My first reaction was to glare at the receptionist and I wanted to cry. (I didn’t cry…until I got back into my car)
🔵My second thought was to drop my jeans and show her my vagina as if that would “convince” her as to my “legitimacy” as a woman. (I didnt…I kept my pants on.)
⚪My third thought was to bang her greying post-menopausal head off the fucking counter top, but I’ve thought I probably shouldn’t go there.
What I did do is politely correct her and I followed up with a call to the office administrator to express my disgust. I’ve made complaints for similar incidents in two other unrelated medical facilities within the past six months. One of my complaints resulted in a hospital administrator mandating refresher training for all the staff. Im getting a reputation amongst our local docs…lol!
You’re probably thinking, “Oh Toni she’s just another jerk…ignore it.” I think not!
Flash back 10 weeks……I’m in the prep area of the hospital, literally 5 minutes before my vaginoplasty and ten feet from the operating room. The anesthesiologist comes over to my bed as the nurses are prepping me with IV’s etc and he asks them, (While ignoring me)
“How’s HE doing?
My actual surgeon didn’t hear the comment or she would have most likely gone off on him. (She’s also trans) The nurses all looked down, embarrassed, because the fuck up was obvious to everyone in the room except the fat, middle aged man who just uttered it. It was the last thing I remembered before they put me under anesthesia. Not good.
If you are trans, or you at least understand gender dysphoria, you know the effect these comments have on us. They devastate.
I mention these experiences because EVERY trans girl I’ve ever talked to (…and I know a lot of trans people) has gone through something similar.
Its not a matter of “passing” for me. First of all there’s nothing to pass as…I’m a woman (physically and psychologically) who is addressed as “Miss” by strangers and people I meet on a daily basis. I have doors held for me, horns honk on the street and guys flirt with me constantly. It’s a matter of the wrong mindset at play here and that’s the part that hurts.
Among some “professionals” (Put medical people at the top of the list …) there seems to be a thought that “Once a guy, always a guy” bouncing around in their vacuous heads. This, despite what their senses tell them and what their eyes see.
I have a sticker up on the visor of my truck so that I see it whenever I put the visor down. It says one word…
🏳️🌈 COURAGE 🏳️🌈
Its my mantra and my compass in life and no matter what else this world throws my way, nobody will ever take that from me.
#transgender #transition #srs #surgery #misgender #courage