Living in the “Real World”

Oh yes, we all love glam shots! Cute twenty somethings posing for a camera that just adores them.

But, unless you live in a privileged world that doesn’t involve work, sweat and *REALITY*, that’s just not how it is every minute of the day.

If you are trans and living your life in your gender, then you soon discover the difference between correcting your gender dysphoria and the practicality of living a real and productive life.

When I have a day off, I have tons of chores to do. Today for example…
*Change the oil in my vehicle (The garage wanted $90 for a synthetic oil change🤤!)
*Pay bills, estrogen injection, shave my legs, cooking…ugh.

So, the last thing I’m going to do is worry about is my shade of lipstick, doing my hair or contouring my makeup.

My point is that you need to *live* while you transition. That doesn’t mean you should let yourself go to hell and neglect your appearance, just that you should develop a healthy balance in your life.

Roll up those sleeves, put your hair up and lets get goin!💪👱‍♀️🛠
Toni Grace💣

Misgendered at Work


Misgendered at Work

Oh God…the old familiar dilemma that every trans woman experiences at one time or another.

There are three types of misgendering:
A. Malicious- When people intentionally misgender you as a sort of dig. Its done intentionally with the aim of belittling you.

B. The Slip- This is when good, well meaning people make an innocent mistake. Its not done consciously, it seldom happens and its usually followed by an apology. I’ve done it myself and its embarrassing to everyone involved.

C. The Numbskull- There’s one in almost every work environment. These are the people who simply lack social grace. They usually are those people who stumble through their day in autopilot without much thought. Change freaks them out and they function out of reflex rather than thought.

I work with a great bunch of women….and one numbskull.
Most of my co-workers see me as a valid woman. We interact in a way that any group of women does. We confide in each other, we laugh, we gossip, we cry and we can be catty at times.

Then there’s the numbskull.

She’s a middle aged woman who presents sloppily, has a limited vocabulary, has been married for a century, never misses a break, complains constantly and is generally a sloth.

So this numbskull has misgendered me 15 times in three months. Each time she does it, I correct her. She has done it in front of patients and other co-workers.
When I call her out on it, she has responded in various ways.
One time she said, “Did I say that?”. Another time she tapped her forehead and said, “I don’t know why I keep doing that.”
You get the picture.

So I finally had my fill of this bullshit. I spoke to my supervisor and to the director of our Transgender Health Program (Who happens to be a trans man). I told them what was going on and I said that I just wanted them to be aware of the situation. They offered to intercede and I told them that I handled the matter but that if it happens again I’m going to “Run that fucking flag up the pole” and file a complaint with human resources.

So the numbskull is on thin ice. My employer is very pro transgender and a formal complaint could cost her the job. Be that as it may, I’m done with people who can’t exert the energy to think before they speak. I’m not a fucking doormat and while Ill give a person a chance (In this case 15 chances) I have my limits.

Its up to us as individuals to handle misgendering as we see fit. There are no hard fast rules to what you should tolerate or how you should deal with this hurtful behavior. We all have varying tolerance levels and different personalities as trans women.

After reading this you can see where my head is at.
I’m tolerant but I’m not stupid nor am I willing to sacrifice my dignity for the sake of “keeping the peace” and avoiding conflict.
Wrong girl to take for granted!
Toni Grace✊💣🏳️‍🌈



Oh dear… Labels!
Whether you like them or hate them, we all use them to describe the characteristics of people.
That being the case, I thought about myself and what label would best describe how I present.

Lipstick Lesbian –
A lipstick lesbian is slang for a lesbian who exhibits a greater amount of feminine gender attributes relative to other gender expressions, such as wearing make-up, wearing dresses or skirts and having other characteristics associated with feminine women. 

…If the shoe fits, wear it (with pride🤘)
Toni Grace🦋

Voice Feminization


One of the things that doesn’t change when a trans woman begins hormone replacement therapy is our voices.

Trans men have an advantage over trans women in the area of developing a voice that is gender appropriate. When a trans man begins testosterone “T” therapy, his voice will deepen and usually there will be rapid and dramatic changes in pitch and tonality. I know trans men whose voices have deepened after only a few months on T.

Not so with trans women!”

I have been on estradiol for several years and I have substantial breast growth, almost no body hair and other fem body changes, but my voice was unaffected by taking E or by gender confirmation surgery.

I recently went though a voice feminization program at the State University and it was very helpful in feminizing my voice. It involves serious training, exercises, voice analysis and dedicated conscious effort for me to alter my voice. Its not easy. In fact I signed up to go through the entire 8 werk course again starting next week (A tough thing to do when you work during the day!)

I found a really cool app on Google Play that will analyze your voice for you at home and its free. Its called VOICE PITCH ANALYZER and it measures the frequency changes in your voice while you read a passage. It also gives you an analysis of how you sound AND it determines if your voice falls into the male, female or androgynous vocal ranges.

There aren’t many options open to trans women in the area of voice feminization other than voice training. There is a surgery that you can get but it costs a ton of money and you risk losing your voice COMPLETELY.
Your third option is to sound like a guy every time you open your mouth and for me that’s definitely not an option.

Give it a try and share your results with me … I’d love to hear!
Toni Grace👱‍♀️


Heading from G+ to MeWe

Screenshot_20181203-054438So, I want to start out on MeWe the right way. I’ve been around on g+ and WordPress for quite a long time sharing my thoughts and feelings on lots of different things but primarily on all things Transgender and what my journey as a trans woman has (and is) all about.

I refer to my life before my transition as “living the lie” because it was a time when I wasn’t being honest with myself or with everyone around me. I was a projection of how I thought I had to look, think and act.

Well, those days are over and my facade has been torn down…joyfully torn down by me.
Today, I have zero tolerance for hatred, lies and bullying. I’m a vocal feminist, a totally out lesbian and an anti misogynist.
I value honesty, openness and sincerity above all else…sprinkled with empathy and a good portion of kindness.

If you are trans, know a trans person or just want to know a little bit about one woman’s struggle…here it is.
Toni Grace 🕊


#toni_grace #transgender #lgbtq #transition #MTF