Living in the “Real World”

Oh yes, we all love glam shots! Cute twenty somethings posing for a camera that just adores them.

But, unless you live in a privileged world that doesn’t involve work, sweat and *REALITY*, that’s just not how it is every minute of the day.

If you are trans and living your life in your gender, then you soon discover the difference between correcting your gender dysphoria and the practicality of living a real and productive life.

When I have a day off, I have tons of chores to do. Today for example…
*Change the oil in my vehicle (The garage wanted $90 for a synthetic oil change🤤!)
*Pay bills, estrogen injection, shave my legs, cooking…ugh.

So, the last thing I’m going to do is worry about is my shade of lipstick, doing my hair or contouring my makeup.

My point is that you need to *live* while you transition. That doesn’t mean you should let yourself go to hell and neglect your appearance, just that you should develop a healthy balance in your life.

Roll up those sleeves, put your hair up and lets get goin!💪👱‍♀️🛠
Toni Grace💣

Misgendered at Work


Misgendered at Work

Oh God…the old familiar dilemma that every trans woman experiences at one time or another.

There are three types of misgendering:
A. Malicious- When people intentionally misgender you as a sort of dig. Its done intentionally with the aim of belittling you.

B. The Slip- This is when good, well meaning people make an innocent mistake. Its not done consciously, it seldom happens and its usually followed by an apology. I’ve done it myself and its embarrassing to everyone involved.

C. The Numbskull- There’s one in almost every work environment. These are the people who simply lack social grace. They usually are those people who stumble through their day in autopilot without much thought. Change freaks them out and they function out of reflex rather than thought.

I work with a great bunch of women….and one numbskull.
Most of my co-workers see me as a valid woman. We interact in a way that any group of women does. We confide in each other, we laugh, we gossip, we cry and we can be catty at times.

Then there’s the numbskull.

She’s a middle aged woman who presents sloppily, has a limited vocabulary, has been married for a century, never misses a break, complains constantly and is generally a sloth.

So this numbskull has misgendered me 15 times in three months. Each time she does it, I correct her. She has done it in front of patients and other co-workers.
When I call her out on it, she has responded in various ways.
One time she said, “Did I say that?”. Another time she tapped her forehead and said, “I don’t know why I keep doing that.”
You get the picture.

So I finally had my fill of this bullshit. I spoke to my supervisor and to the director of our Transgender Health Program (Who happens to be a trans man). I told them what was going on and I said that I just wanted them to be aware of the situation. They offered to intercede and I told them that I handled the matter but that if it happens again I’m going to “Run that fucking flag up the pole” and file a complaint with human resources.

So the numbskull is on thin ice. My employer is very pro transgender and a formal complaint could cost her the job. Be that as it may, I’m done with people who can’t exert the energy to think before they speak. I’m not a fucking doormat and while Ill give a person a chance (In this case 15 chances) I have my limits.

Its up to us as individuals to handle misgendering as we see fit. There are no hard fast rules to what you should tolerate or how you should deal with this hurtful behavior. We all have varying tolerance levels and different personalities as trans women.

After reading this you can see where my head is at.
I’m tolerant but I’m not stupid nor am I willing to sacrifice my dignity for the sake of “keeping the peace” and avoiding conflict.
Wrong girl to take for granted!
Toni Grace✊💣🏳️‍🌈



Oh dear… Labels!
Whether you like them or hate them, we all use them to describe the characteristics of people.
That being the case, I thought about myself and what label would best describe how I present.

Lipstick Lesbian –
A lipstick lesbian is slang for a lesbian who exhibits a greater amount of feminine gender attributes relative to other gender expressions, such as wearing make-up, wearing dresses or skirts and having other characteristics associated with feminine women. 

…If the shoe fits, wear it (with pride🤘)
Toni Grace🦋